A new sex measurement device does away with cumbersome cords.
Admit it—we are all a bit obsessed with taking selfies and snapping photos of our latest baking achievement so our Instagram followers will know just how yummy our homemade apple pies are. It’s no wonder, then, that we’ve developed technology that allows us to measure and share our sexual encounters.
HuMove, developed by an Italian research team at the Biorobotics Institute in Pontedera, Italy, is a noninvasive sexual fitness tracking device. Its small size is about the same as a credit card.
Although HuMove has been developed primarily for clinical purposes, such as diagnosing premature ejaculation, it has the potential to become the next big thing in sex performance measurement. It uses an accelerometer-based system that can record sexual movements and store a large amount of data.
The researchers believe that because of its convenient size, it’s possible HuMove could move into the public market. So soon, we may all be able to purchase wearable technology that can record our movements so precisely we will know just how excellent (or not-so-excellent) we are in the sack.
Sounds scary, cool, and surprisingly sci-fi doesn’t it?
The invention breaks boundaries. We can now properly measure sex without having to hook up participants to massive machines with multiple cords. However, sex tracking technology and its at-home versions are not a new concept.
Back in May 2013, the Spreadsheets app was released. Branding itself as the number one sex app in the world, Spreadsheets works using data capture. By simply throwing your phone onto your bed before coitus (sounds safe for the easily bendable iPhone 6, doesn’t it?), your sexual encounter is then measured by duration, thrusts per minute, and even the decibel count of your moans. You can also unlock badges such as “The Lion’s Roar,” a reward for reaching more than 70 decibels. Once you’re through, you can share the stats with your friends.
Spreadsheets makes sex into a fun science experiment. Whether you’re into that or not, there’s no denying that bringing together two very important aspects of our lives, sex and mobile phones, is one heck of a good idea. It’s also a popular one—OhMiBod and Vibease are apps that allow for long-distance sex with the tap of a touchscreen.
Another sex tracking app is Nipple, which was released in April this year and is now in the beta stage of development. Nipple brought into question the morality behind tracking your sexual exploits. Its release caused a stir because of some seriously suggestive marketing signs plastered around music festival SXSW.
Nipple may not be as big of a success as Spreadsheets because it requires more time and effort on the user’s part. You have to enter in the details of the sexual experience as opposed to your phone doing the work for you.
The company boasts the app will help you remember who you’ve just slept with and what position they like best. But considering the serious lack of social media traction for Nipple, it seems this particular form of sex tracking has crashed and burned.
HuMove is on the other side of the sex measurement coin. It promises fitness tracking without having to fiddle with a phone or embarrassing social media marketing.
Unfortunately though, considering there is no information on when or if it will be released to the public, it looks like we may have to hold out for SexFit instead. SexFit is a device that will act as both a penis ring and a sexual fitness tracker. In August, UK sex toy company Bondara announced it had created a prototype.
By connecting via Bluetooth to an app on your phone, SexFit will record statistics about your encounter, which of course you can then log and share. There’s also a personal trainer vibration mode, which makes the ring vibrate to a preset rhythm. If you stray from this beat, you’ll receive a few warning vibrations and the ring will light up.
SexFit and its counterparts Nipple and Spreadsheets all quantify sex into a workout or a public experience. What makes HuMove a more promising addition to the sex tracking family is its sleekness and simplicity. The researchers themselves are proud enough to call it “the first device for human sexual performance analysis compatible with sexual intercourse.”
So, hopefully soon we can say goodbye to almost breaking our phone whilst making love—sayonara to having to stop mid-thrust to type in our lovers’ favorite sex positions and so long to receiving annoying warning vibrations if one dares make a slight mistake in the boudoir.
If HuMove does make it to the public realm, folks who want to record their sexual prowess will only need to place the small device on themselves, and away they go.
Featured image source: Richard Foster
Post image source: Jason Howie